|Family trip in 2006 to Rome|
I think I may have touched on this in the series before, but I had a reminder looking through some old pictures and thought it warranted a new post including a progression from 2006 to now. Browsing through those old photos on my computer, I can see the difference in my size. The dramatic transition makes me so proud to have followed through with weight loss. I am able to see real results fom my hard work. So far, I have gone from 197 down to approximately 161 pounds. I have been fluctuating around that weight since early December despite my desire to go down more.
|Family Trip to San Diego in 2007|
|Trip to Austin in 2008|
As much as I appreciate my body and its strength and beauty now, I can't help but lust after what I dream I will look like at the end of this journey. My pride is tempered with extreme frustration when I compare myself to other women who see me now, not where I've come from. It shouldn't matter what other people will think, but sometimes, even I forget until I look back at the old me.
|Trip to South Korea in 2009|
|Trip to St. Francisville in 2010|
I'd say about half the time, I'm really proud of what I have done. Twenty five percent of the time, I don't even think about it. And the other twenty-five percent of the time, I am beating myself up for not losing more. Weight loss is often portrayed as this overwhelmingly positive experience because you fit in by looking more standard and you're healthy. The ties to self-worth and identity seem to make it impossible, at least for me, to see it as totally positive. I experience both the ups and the downs.
|Trip to the DMV in 2011|
I try to stay motivated to keep myself on track and to find self-acceptance and a positive identity from parts of myself other than just my body. It's not always easy work. I see other people and I compare and contrast like everyone I know. I just think it's important to also portray weight loss as a struggle, not just physically, but mentally even when you are doing a "good job."
|Trip to New Orleans East in 2012|